I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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