By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
