if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i think my cat just said my name.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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