I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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