If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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