pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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