So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish you could order shots online.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
