Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
