Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
