I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
