When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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