drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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