Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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