It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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