She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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