2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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