Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
