I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
