someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
