It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
