He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
