I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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