it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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