i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
