Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
