You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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