Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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