Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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