No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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