if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
