ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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