Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
