In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
