I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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