I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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