Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
