i just wanna soil my oats bro
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
