Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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