It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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