It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
