She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
