She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize