I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
