Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
