I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
