She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
