He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love you.
Bad choice
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
