she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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