found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
