His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
