I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
