time to smoke my breakfast
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
