week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
