she was so not down for the gang bang
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
