You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
