So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
