i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
