His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it hurts more in the daytime
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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