Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
