best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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